Every political season it seems like we’re subjected to more and more advertisements about candidates we really couldn’t care less about. We’ve got more than two months left until elections this year and I’m already sick and tired of hearing about who will protect the little things (the little guy, small businesses, kids) but will stand up to big things (big oil, big big business, oprah).

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that normally these ads pretty much suck. And if you’re unlucky enough to live in a battle ground state, you might as well put a bullet through your TV now. Trust me, you’ll be doing it a favor.

However, there have been a few gems over the years in the sea of crap that politicians put out there. May I present to you the Top 10 political ads of All Time.

10. Mike Bouchard for Senate

This ad’s message is simple. Mike Bouchard’s at best a prude, at worst, a bit of a pedophile (he’s half way to straddling his daughter). However, if you vote for Mike, you’ll get him out of the house and his daughter might finally be able to have relations.

9. VoteVets.org

One of the things political ads are always accused of doing is fear mongering. Basically that’s stirring up irrational fears about what’s going to happen if you vote for their competitor. Now, there have been a ton of ads that do this, but this one is hands down my favorite. Any time you can incorporate guns and body armor into your political ad, it’s pretty much going to be an amazing ad. My only suggestion would be next time, use blood packets. If you’re gonna go why not go all out, right? And remember, a vote for George Allen is a vote for killing our soldiers.

8. Steve Novick for Senate

I really don’t want to ruin this one for ya, because it sort of comes out of the blue but seriously, not only did he take a personal trait that could be kinda creepy, and make it incredibly useful and cool, but Steve also pokes a little fun at himself. You’ve got to appreciate that in a candidate right?

7. Vernon Robinson for Congress

So I figure there were three types of responses to this ad. People either were offended (Democrats) agreed with every bit of it and said “Hell yeah!” at the end (Republicans) and people that thought it was hysterically funny (anyone with a sense of humor). Aliens, homosexuals, and terrorists, what more could you want from an ad? And, as if that weren’t enough, the closing line of “I approve of this message, and of traditional American values.” vaults this one solidly into our top ten list.

6. Obama for President

What do you get when you take one of the best commercials of all time and tweak it into an attack ad for one of the most popular candidates in recent history? Well apparently you get fired. Ok, so the person that created this wasn’t exactly authorized by the campaign, or pretty much anyone else but hey, it’s a great spot.

5. McCain for President

Politicians often try to show the public their softer side, thinking it will help people relate to them better. After watching this Mother’s Day ad, I’ve really got to question whether that’s a good idea for McCain. Not only does his mom ramble on about 27 bottles of whiskey (hey, “you might as well enjoy it”) but poor John looks every day as old as his mother who just so happens to be in her mid 90s! Yes Republicans, this is your nominee!

4. Christy Mihos for Governor

In the current two party political system, candidates that run as Independents can use all the help they can get. But when that Independent candidate is also a male with a female’s name it absolutely requires an ad like this for anyone to take him seriously. Not to mention, if more political ads were this good, I wouldn’t mind election season nearly as much.

3. John Cornyn for Senate

In terms of unintentional comedy, this thing is off the charts. Pulling double duty, Big BAD John’s ad also serves as a stark warning against electing anyone from the state of Texas. “We’ll call folk, we’ll hustle, we’ll outwork our foe. We’ll tell souls in Texas you must get six mo…”

2. Christopher Knight for School Board

There really is no way for me to describe this ad, you’re just going to have to watch it for yourself. But I wanted to highlight what the star of this piece had to say about it:

I did not win a seat. But I came in 8th place out of 16 candidates with 4,648 votes… which is a LOT, all things considered. And I wasn’t that far off from getting a seat either: it was pretty close across the board for the most part. I’m *extremely* happy with how well I did :-)

Also, I know that I look horrible in the legal bumper at the beginning. That was filmed after going without sleep for three days straight. Please be kind :-)

Yeah, Chris, the legal bumper at the beginning is where you look horrible… and while I’m sure you’re not surprised he lost, it’s also interesting to note who he lost to.

Incidentally the guy who came in 5th place and was last to get a seat, stole campaign signs the night before the election. He then sued the guy who came in 6th place for trying to hold him accountable, and the one who came in 7th is now in prison for possessing child pornography and molestation.

If that’s who he lost to, I really don’t want to hear about the 8 people he beat.

1. Mike Huckabee for President

Two words… Chuck Norris!